How to Write a National Honor Society NHS Essay

How to Write a National Honor Society â€" NHS Essay Being a member of the National Honor Society (NHS) is very prestigious and helps when applying for scholarship. You can be nominated for the membership based on the performance in the following areas: Leadership Scholarship Service Character After being nominated, you’re required to submit an essay for National Honor Society. Writing a good essay can be overwhelming but the efforts you’re going to invest will be paid off. Having an articulate and organized essay will sure get you an approval of sponsors. Intro about an essay To correctly write an essay, it is necessary to understand that an essay is a small work in prose on a given topic. You can choose anything as a topic â€" your attitude to some event or reflection on a certain problem. The author of the essay, as a rule, talks about his personal experiences and impressions or expresses himself in an imaginative, emotional, and frank way. Often in the essay there are conversational speech, aphorisms or speech expressions. Exceptions are essays for scientific conferences, public speeches at scientific councils, and other scientific events. What is a National Honor Society essay? A National Honor Society essay is an essay written when applying for the membership in the National Honor Society. An essay is a written work that involves a methodical analysis and evaluation of a topic or problem. For example, in the case with NHS, you are invited to demonstrate and prove your interest in the Society and why you want to become its member. When writing an essay, it is easy to fall into one of two extremes â€" to describe the facts, bypassing the interpretation (fearing its subjectivity), or vice versa, describe your personal opinion without backing it with facts. The art of writing essays consists precisely in finding this balance, in the ability to express one’s position, logically having it backed up with rational, objective arguments. The goal of essay for NHS The goal of the essay is to present yourself as a model NHS candidate by addressing the criteria for membership. Before you start applying for a scholarship, brainstorm key points and main ideas for your work. After that, write the first draft and ask someone to check it. When working on the final variant, include some interesting suggestions. What is described in the National Honor Society essay? When writing your NHS essay, describe the following: Emphasize your achievements in scholarship. The NHS recognizes discipline and the intelligence necessary for college prep or advanced courses. In addition, include your special academic achievements, grade point average, and info on any other academic organizations you’re involved in. Highlight your accomplishments and skills in leadership. Describe that you participated in community or school organizations. Talk about how you found out about the organization and started being involved with it, holding a leadership position. The officials of NHS are particularly interested to know what you have learned while being a leader. It’s important to provide examples. Talk about your experience in the service. It is a gold standard to be a member of the NHS as a service-minded student. Describe any service organizations you’re involved in or school or community service projects you participated in. Write about your character. Maybe you can describe a story that would greatly show your character. Everyone has different ideas on what the character is, so you may offer your own definition of a strong character and explain how and why you would fit in that description. Key Elements of Good National Honor Society Essay Usually a good essay gives a description and discussion of several positions or points of view, and then on their basis a conclusion is drawn reflecting the author’s informed opinion. Therefore, before writing an essay, you always need to formulate what you think about what you write about, what your position is, and what idea you will be defending. In the case of the NHS essay, everything is simpler â€" you want to become the NHS member so all you need to do is to describe why. Begin work on the essay with a careful reading of its title or task. What are you supposed to do? Describe, compare or discuss? What question is asked? Do you understand all the terms at this stage? Based on this information, you can start thinking through the text plan. Structure of National Honor Society Essay Next, create the plan and the select the material. Refer to the literature, try to get an approximate idea of what you will write about. At this stage, you need to make a plan containing the main topics that you plan to raise. Perhaps, this plan will be changed later. If your essay involves analyzing a large number of sources (which is not necessary in your competition), once such an initial plan is compiled, it is worth starting to collect and systematize the links based on it â€" what you will refer to. So, the basic ideas are written and the material is collected. Can you start writing? Do not hurry. It is useful first to work out the detailed structure of your text. The essay always consists of three parts: Introduction Discussion Conclusion Introduction to NHS essay In the introduction, you describe the question and its context, and briefly talk about the direction of your reasoning. For example, in the case of your competition, you briefly present the selected study and state in detail why you chose it. Body of the NHS essay Here, the arguments and evidence of your point of view are presented. It is important that the discussion be logical and consistent. In the NHS essay, write in details why you want to be a NHS member and describe those points that you are interested in. Conclusion to the NHS essay In conclusion, the essay summarizes the discussion and demonstrates that you answered the question. Steps of Writing National Honor Society Essay Here are the steps you need to follow to write the NHS essay: Deeply research the topic Analyze the topic Brainstorm all ideas Create an outline Write the essay down Proofread the paper How to write National Honor Society essay step-by-step Once you brainstorm all ideas, collect all the necessary info, and finish the essay plan in accordance with this three-part skeleton, you can start writing. You can write from any end â€" some prefer to first have a written discussion, and then frame it with an introduction and conclusion, others write all the parts consistently. The main thing is to try to write clearly, briefly, and devote one single thought to each paragraph. Choosing a topic for National Honor Society essay When choosing a topic, you need to be sure that: You know the content of the course You understand the meaning of the statement, the topic of the essay You have your own point of view on the essence of this statement Writing National Honor Society essay outline Making a plan is important because you will follow it when writing the essay. It will help you present your thoughts in a structured way. Tips for writing Some tips for writing include: Give yourself enough time to write a few drafts when applying for scholarships Make sure the essay highlights the priorities of the organization and meets all the requirements Examples of NHS essays You can find many good examples of NHS essays online, which you can use to get an idea about what to write in your essay. Conclusion for an essay If you have been selected as a member for the NHS, you can see that writing a good essay in not that difficult. The tips on writing the paper will help you develop your writing skills. In order to become an expert in essay writing you can also go through National Honor Society Essay Examples. After practicing, you will definitely get this great opportunity.

Persuasive Essay On Minimum Wage - 1174 Words

The US minimum wage should not be raised to $18.00 an hour for adults by 2020. Raising our minimum wage is just as good as destroying our economy and all the work our government has done to lower unemployment rates. Jamie Richardson, MBA, VP of the fast-food chain White Castle, stated that the company would be forced to close almost half of its restaurants and let go thousands of workers if the federal minimum wage was raised to $15. Peter D. Schiff, an investment broker and investor, stated in his most recent book, The Real Crash, that â€Å"minimum wage eliminates from the job market any job that an employer thinks is worth less than minimum wage.† Schiff also mentions that â€Å"if the minimum wage prevents them from getting those jobs, they†¦show more content†¦Researchers from the Bureau of Labor Statistics(BLS) found that â€Å"increasing the minimum wage does lead to a decrease in job creation. They determine that the decline in job growth is the result of ex panding establishments decreasing the number of jobs they create rather than resulting from additional job losses among declining industries.† These industries include very important ones to our well-being such as newspaper publishing, apparel manufacturing, and investment, pension, and health benefits funds. The teen unemployment rate is already higher than the 4.9% overall unemployment rate, at 15.6%. The African-American teen unemployment rate is 27.6%. Minimum wage increases significantly reduce the probability of low-skill workers reaching the middle class. Diana Furchtgott-Roth from PBS stated that â€Å"when employers are required to pay more, they choose workers with more skills and combine them with new technology such as digital ordering. As a result, low-skill workers lose their jobs. A study from the EPI showed that the teen employment rate has dropped from 28.9% to 26.2% since the minimum wage was increased to $7.25 on July 24th, 2009. The FRBSF stated that this â€Å"labor-labor substitution may not show up asShow MoreRelatedMinimum Wage Persuasive Essay1067 Words   |  5 PagesRandy Oczkowski Mrs. Kenny March 25, 2013 Persuasive Essay $7.25 equals two gallons of gas, one fast food meal, or a simple school supply. With the minimum wage at the current rate you must work one hour to earn the seven dollars and twenty-five cents that only supply you with small necessities for everyday living. This problem was encountered before and was resolved with the agreement to higher the minimum wage from $5.85 to the current $7.25. Although that was a big increase in salariesRead MorePersuasive Essay Outline :Minimum Wage964 Words   |  4 Pages Persuasive Essay Outline :Minimum Wage 1 Intro - I want you to think about your very first job .Were you a Bellhop ,cashier ,bartender ,cooks(fast food ),lifeguard, .Now how about your second job were you a airport worker or child care worker.About how m uch were youRead MorePersuasive Essay On Minimum Wage1526 Words   |  7 PagesMinimum wage is defined by the dictionary as â€Å"the lowest wage paid or permitted to be paid; specifically: a wage fixed by legal authority or by contract as the least that may be paid either to employed persons generally or to a particular category of employed persons.† Minimum wage is also referred to as the living wage. For many in and out of the political arena, minimum wage, is a topic of debate. The discussion involves the fairness of the current wage and the need to raise this wage to correlateRead MoreMinimum Wage Persuasive Essay1424 Words   |  6 PagesI. Position Statement Is increasing minimum wage beneficial to society? I believe the United States Federal government should increase the minimum wage. Minimum wage has been a controversial topic in the United States for numerous years. Experts are constantly doing studies and finding emotional and logical appeals to support their arguments. Accordingly, when discussing minimum wage, long-term and short-term effects need to be brought into consideration. Throughout my research, I have found a multitudeRead MoreMinimum Wage Persuasive Essay1106 Words   |  5 Pagesmore than the federal minimum wage? If you said yes then perhaps you are unaware of the many negative effects surrounding a higher minimum wage and after reading this you will be educated on why the minimum wage should not be raised. In the beginning, the minimum wage was created with good intentions. It was originally established in 1938 and was $.25 an hour (Sessions). It was created to make sure that businesses would not take advantage over workers. While the minimum wage was and still is a goodRead MoreMinimum Wage Persuasive Essay1870 Words   |  8 PagesRaising minimum wage is a very controversial topic. Minimum wage became a federal law in 1938 and only it was only twenty-five cents. Today minimum wage has increased and is currently ten dollars and fifty cents. As one can see minimum wage has increased dramatically and will continue to increase. Minimum wage should not continue to increase at this rate because many businesses will be affected, the price of living will increase and it will alter the way people live. With this minimum wage is hurtingRead MorePersuasive Speech Draft (Minimum Wage) Essay745 Words   |  3 Pagesï » ¿Kirsten Burroughs Professor Hart Persuasive Speech 04 December 2013 Intro: People of the middle class all know that the minimum wage of $7.25 is not sufficient to maintain a comfortable lifestyle. There is considerable evidence to show that the current generations comfortable lifestyles require a more luxurious price for standard living. The cost of living over the years has dramatically increased due to high consumer demands of products. As that being said, $7.25 is just not enough forRead Moreminimum wage1601 Words   |  7 Pagesfor the low-income workers and their families whenever the government increases the minimum wage. The United States Congress adopted the Fair Labor Standards Act in 1938. Congress created the minimum wage toward the end of the Depression era to ensure a minimum standard oPremium 2048 Words 9 Pages Macroeconomics: Should the Minimum Wage Increase? Should the Minimum Wage Increase? Minimum wage is the lowest wage permitted by law or by a special agreement that can be applied for an employee or putRead MoreWal Mart : A Necessary Evil? Essay975 Words   |  4 PagesWal-Mart: A Necessary Evil? It does not take a large amount of funding and private studies to see that Wal-Mart is a widely successful corporation that offers cheaper prices than their competitors. In Jack and Suzy Welch’s essay they argue that we should support businesses that help individuals, communities and whole economies prosper, they claim that, â€Å"Wal-Mart helps individuals, communities, and whole economies prosper† (161), so we should support Wal-Mart. On the other hand, Paul Krugman arguesRead MoreGoodmans Arguments Against Relativism in Some Moral Minima979 Words   |  4 Pagesrelativism Given the increasing globalization of modern society, combined with the influence of postmodernism, the philosophy of moral relativism has become increasingly popular and accepted within the academy. However, according to Lenn E. Goodmans essay Some moral minima, some things are just wrong. Goodman writes: All living beings make claims to life (Goodman 2010: 88). In other words, to protect the sanctity of human life, sometimes it is necessary to lay down certain absolute ground rules

Music And Its Impact On Society - 908 Words

Research Music has been apart of society for a long time. It has benefited a lot of people in different ways. It is very exciting and interesting. Music creates new vibes, fashion trends, and can give great advice. Music is very motivational and inspirational. It may express emotions and new ideas for many people and is also meant to entertain and stimulate the mind. Music goes back to prehistoric times. Prehistoric music was also known as folk music. The origin of music is unknown. Some suggest that it stems from natural repeated sounds and rhythms. The sounds that were occurring were echoes that created patterns. That gave them the idea to make those occurring sounds more rhythmic. In todays society for example, some music intend on imitating natural sounds. People suggest that the first instrument was the human voice itself, which makes a number of sounds including humming, singing, whistling, and clicking. Music has evolved into different sounds. This is mainly because this is a new era and we are more advanced in terms of technology and making more sounds. There are more categories of music now than there was in prehistoric times. Music is found in every known culture, past and present. People suggest that music was formed in Africa and then became a fundamental element of human life. A culture s music is influenced by aspects of the cultur e, such as social and economic organization and experience, climate, and access to technology. Music is expressed byShow MoreRelatedMusic And Its Impact On Society958 Words   |  4 PagesMusic in Our Culture Although some may suggest music can only serve for entertainment, music imposes a direct impact on the ideals and actions of today’s culture. In the past, the music of a culture greatly impacts the people and speaks what the people felt afraid to express. Different types of music reach different areas of the human brain, thus affecting the way people act in various ways. Music possesses such a deep impact on human brains it affects the way we act and process different situationsRead MoreMusic And Its Impact On Society1340 Words   |  6 PagesThere are two pillars of society that have and always will be prevalent in civilizations. The first pillar being competition of power; society will always have individuals in charge of the decisions regarding the administration of their civilization. Secondly, being the self-expression of the human condition through music. Both concepts widely disparate, although both vital to the constitution of one’s identity and development of their life choices. A person’s life will always be altered due to interactionsRead MoreMusic And Its Impact On Society2251 Words   |  10 PagesIt seems that music has been in existence since humans have been on this earth. You can find music in all forms and styles. The types of music and preferences that people may have, can change depending on what city, state or even country you live in. The United States was founded on basic constitutional human rights. One of these rights is freedom of speech. Those who are talented musicians have used freedom of speech to be able to put into words, sound and feelings of the social injustices thatRead MoreMusic And Its Impact On Society2747 Words   |  11 PagesThroughout the history of mankind, music has existed in an irremovable capacity in our existence. It has pervaded through every culture, every country and even through the deepest reaches of the dark void of space. Music has also existed in every religion known to the human r ace. But can music itself be considered a religion in its own right? Music is celebrated and revered by almost all who listen to it, and the health benefits associated with music are growing with every bit of research performedRead MoreRap Music And Its Impact On Society884 Words   |  4 PagesThe impact music has on the life of people is very powerful. It can easily revamp the way people act and take control of people’s emotions. Rap music is a very common and popular type of music within the world today. Rap music has existed since the mid 1970s, nowadays it is practically everywhere. It is easily a central focus of many young people’s lives. Rap music was essentially intended to create a voicing of one’s frustrations and disappointment with society, it has recently taken a turn andRead MoreRap Music And Its Impact On Society1081 Words   |  5 PagesIt is everywhere. Rap music is widespread and easily available anywhere. It can be listened to on the radio at a train station, on the Internet, and on phones, permitting the youth to listen to it in various circumstances, either on their way to school or along with their friends. Music has always had a tremendous effect on cultures and societies around the world. It affects how people act, speak, and dress. In today’s society, rap music has become such a fundamental part of the lives of youth thatRead MoreMusic And Its Impact On Modern Society1470 Words   |  6 Pagesfactors is the musical score. In film, music takes the shape of sound effects or background accompaniment. It is also commonly added to pre-recorded footage creating an atmosphere or mood. Music may link scenes together, portray the true nature of certain characters, or serve as an indicator in foreshadowing or approaching disaster. There are essentially no rules when it comes to film music and a wide variety of tools are available for composition. In an opera, music is the heart of the composition andRead MoreThe Impact Of Music On American Society2238 Words   |  9 PagesThroughout its history, music has permeated the significant events of American history. Its effect on American society and the way the American people cope with each event has only grown as popular music evolves and new genres reach more and more individuals. People can remember where they were and their exact surroundings to amazing detail when asked about life-changing events in history. Older generations will remember the bombing of Pearl Harbor. Their children will remember when Kennedy was assassinatedRead MoreThe Impact Of Rap Music On Today s Society867 Words   |  4 PagesThe impact of rap music in today’s society is extremely substantial. Many Americans listen to rap music, even though different rap artist discuss various issues in their songs, it may influences their fans to do the same. A large amount of rap music contains explicit lyric s that describe illegal activities, aggression, and sexual content. Researchers from Iowa State University and the Texas Department of Human Services found that aggressive music lyrics increase aggressive thought and feelings, mightRead MoreThe Impacts of Technology on Music Recording Industry and Society1751 Words   |  8 PagesThe Impacts of Technology on Music Recording Industry and Society TV has restored the daily life of family, Photography has altered the way we look at the world, the computer has changed everything.† (Mark Katz, 2010) It is true the computer has converted everything into digital. Digital technology has also changed the ways of sound and voice recording. It has gradually led to the changes not only in the production of sound but also in the views of society

Desiree Baby Free Essays

Judge a Book by its Cover Why does race matter in a relationship? Great figures in history have noted that race should never play a role in any relationship. Allowing race to impact a relationship could easily cause it to fall apart, leading to both sides being hurt in the end. In Kate Chopin’s short story â€Å"Desiree’s Baby†, the race of Desiree and Armand’s child cause Armand to turn a cold shoulder to his wife and his child, eventually driving Desire to suicide. We will write a custom essay sample on Desiree Baby or any similar topic only for you Order Now Armand family was old and wealthy and was very important to the Louisiana plantation. He was light skin and handsome, but his mother had black skin. His mother died when he was eight years old, so he doesn’t remember the skin tone of his mother. Armand states his name was â€Å"One of the oldest and proudest in Louisiana† (1). Therefore, Armand was born into wealth. On the other hand, Desiree was abandoned and was taken in by the Valmonde’s family. Desiree and Armand met as children growing up on the plantation. But on that time, Armand not loved her. â€Å"The wonder was that he had not loved her before; for he had known her since his father brought him home from Paris, a boy of eight, after his mother died there. (1) Falling in love with Desiree felt to Armand as if him â€Å"Had been struck by a pistol shot† (1); feeling as though his emotional towards her went past fast hard. This relationship lead to marriage and Armand gives Desiree the name he said he would. Armand didn’t want Desiree to mistreat the name that was given to her since the name she had received was very important due to Arm and family background. Over period of time Armand and Desiree had a baby boy. After having the baby, it leads to a drastic change in Armand’s emotions towards his wife. I can say that Armand is a racist, because he has strict rules to his slaves. And his slaves are Negrillon. Before he married Desiree and became a father, he was very stick to his Negrillon. After birth of his son and wife â€Å"Marriage, and later the birth of his son had soften Armand Aubigny’s† (2). The race of the baby led Armand to think otherwise about everything about his wife, Desiree. He feels as if he was lied to. The race of the three month old baby made Armand have a cold shoulder towards Desiree. He believes Desiree is not white and blames Desiree for the â€Å"Unconscious injury she had brought upon his home and name† (3). He feels as though she has caused confusion and ruckus within the family. Therefore Desiree had disrespected the name that was given to her. Intentionally he didn’t care where she was from but his actions shoed differently. He tries to stay away from the home and speaks to neither Desiree nor the baby. After Desiree received a letter from her mother saying come back home, Armand tell Desiree to leave. Armand he couldn’t take the stress of the stress anymore so therefore he told his wife to leave. She didn’t want to leave her marriage, but as she said her good byes to her father of her child he never answered her. So she knew that was the last straw. After all, the stress Armand cause, Desiree simply gives up. She gives up on her husband and baby. She gets her baby, walks barefoot into a field that led her to somewhere. â€Å"She disappeared among the Reeds and willows that grew thick along the banks of the deep sluggish bayou; and she didn’t not come back again† (4). Therefore, Desiree killed herself and the baby because of the stressed with the race of their child Armand causes. Armand reactions to his son Quadroon appearance ultimately cause Desiree’s death. A beautiful and loving family is torn apart because of race. Without knowing someone should never judge or label a person a liar without knowing them and the full truth. Because there’s three sides to every story; both sides of the party and the truth . So in the end, never judge a book by its cover. How to cite Desiree Baby, Papers

Where I Grew Up free essay sample

Picture a cul-de-sac, wide and sunny, surrounded by light-colored two-story houses. Now picture two pairs of sisters. Maybe the older sisters create art together on a white driveway, like Picassos with sidewalk chalk. The younger two are more active, jumping their scooters and bikes over curbs and wielding popsicles like swords or lances. Perhaps they are yelling at each other, perhaps they are giggling instead, but they are noisy and the older sisters try to isolate themselves in their fantastically colored world. Or maybe the four girls are all together, the older two pushing-pulling the younger sisters up the hill as they sit, giggling, in a sturdy plastic wagon. Letting go, the older sisters laugh as the wagon rolls merrily away, accompanied by half-heartedly indignant shrieks. They chase after, racing the wagon to the bottom of the hill. Their mothers are chatting on the sidewalk, and as the four girls stumble-roll to a stop, the mothers call out to their respective children. We will write a custom essay sample on Where I Grew Up or any similar topic specifically for you Do Not WasteYour Time HIRE WRITER Only 13.90 / page It is dinner time, but they’ll be back outside in a little while, playing and laughing as the street fades into semi-darkness. I am one of the older sisters, here. I grew up in a close-knit community with friendly neighbors and many, many afternoons spent in the sun. It is absolutely the most supportive environment I could have ever hoped for: with the same people standing beside me throughout my life, I have grown into a confident, creative individual and am completely ready for a new great adventure.

Novel and a workhouse Essay Example

Novel and a workhouse Essay Example Novel and a workhouse Essay Novel and a workhouse Essay Source C was written by Charles Dickens who became a famous author and was acutely aware of the social and economic problems of the early nineteenth century so his facts are likely to be reliable. He was alive at the time of the Andover Workhouse scandal so he would have bee aware of the terrible conditions some workhouses were in and he was able to describe inhospitable workhouses so the source is useful for investigating the Andover Workhouse. Charles Dickens used the Andover Workhouse scandal and other accounts of inhospitable workhouses to bas his novel Oliver Twist on. Source C is a primary source and was written in 1838, which was year after the McDougals were employed in the Andover Workhouse. This is useful because Charles Dickens would have known what the Workhouses were like. This is because he was alive at the time of the scandal, so he would have known how bad some of the workhouses were therefore this source could be based on one of the inhospitable workhouses. So this is useful in investigating the events of the Andover Workhouse because their conditions could have been similar. Source C was written quite factually as Dickens based some of the novel on the Andover Workhouse Scandal and he was aware of the social evils of this time. Source C is limited however because it only tells us what the meal times were like. It doesnt tell us that the work they did between meals was crushing bones or flints it doesnt tell us that in most workhouses there were three meal times a day and it doesnt tell us that adults would have been treated the same. Source C is also limited because inmates usually had to work in silence and the boys in the source were whispering to each other, which they would normally have been punished for. Source c also states that the master would punish the children with violence but it is limited because it doesnt state how the adults would have been punished. If source C doesnt give this information about the workhouse it is talking about then I cannot identify it with the Andover Workhouse therefore the source is limited. The source is limited because it doesnt state which workhouse it is and all workhouses were different so the source may not be useful to investigate the Andover Workhouse events. It doesnt state how many people were in the workhouse and may be limited because there could have been more or less than in the Andover Workhouse. Source C was originally written as a novel so it could have been exaggerated to sell and the words used to suggest this are, Stupefied astonishment, and desperate so this may not be useful for investigating the events in the Andover Workhouse because the source maybe unreliable. However, the source maybe limited because even Dickens didnt include the full horrors of the workhouses in this novel. Charles Dickens wrote source C and he was a rich man who didnt leave any money to the poor when he died so it is unlikely that he cared as much as it is made out. He may have wanted more money and therefore may have exaggerated his novel so it would sell. This means Source is likely to be limited for investigating the events of the Andover Workhouse. The source was written in 1838 so the source is more likely to be an opinion from the time. Therefore it may limited for investigating the events of the Andover Workhouse because we are not informed of another opinion. The source in some ways seems to be exaggerated because it uses words like paralysed and reckless so this maybe limited for investigating the events of the Andover Workhouse because it is unreliable. I think the source is useful in some ways for investigating the Andover Workhouse events for example the food they ate and how they were placed at dinner. However the source is limited in other ways because it is restricted so it is no use for investigating the events of the Andover Workhouse.

Famous Steven Wright One-Liners

Famous Steven Wright One-Liners Steven Wright is an American comedian who is famous for his deadpan expression while performing on stage. His one-liners seem intelligently designed, focusing on absurdities that we take for granted. In 1985, Steven Wright featured in an HBO special titled, Steven Wright Special, which had a huge fan following. Apart from comedy, Steven Wright has also created short films. He won an Academy Award for Best Short Live-Action film in 1989. Steven Wright does not use coarse language to create jokes. His one-liners make you marvel at his sharp wit. He shakes every belief system and pulls you out of your comfort zone. Steven Wrights one-liners create a riot of laughter. If you are good at dialogue delivery, use these one-liners to sharpen your speech. Use them as ice-breakers in a meeting or as a punch-line in your presentation. I wrote a song, but I cant read music so I dont know what it is. Every once in a while Ill be listening to the radio and I say, I think I might have written that.I brought a mirror to Lovers Lane. I told everybody Im Narcissus.I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.For a while, I didnt have a car... I had a helicopter... no place to park it, so I just tied it to a lamp post and left it running...[slow glance upward]For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier. I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge, you cant hear him talk.Hermits have no peer pressure.I didnt get a toy train like the other kids. I got a toy subway instead. You couldnt see anything, but every now and then youd hear this rumbling noise go by.I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.I put my air conditioner in backward. It got cold outside. The weatherman on TV was confused. It w as supposed to be hot today. I rented a lottery ticket. I won a million dollars. But I had to give it back.I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like Im the only one moving.I saw a bank that said 24 Hour Banking, but I dont have that much time.I saw a close friend of mine the other day... He said, Stephen, why havent you called me? I said, I cant call everyone I want. My new phone has no five on it. He said, How long have you had it? I said, I dont know... my calendar has no sevens on it.I saw a sign: Rest Area 25 Miles. Thats pretty big. Some people must be really tired.I saw a small bottle of cologne and asked if it was for sale. She said, Its free with purchase. I asked her if anyone bought anything today.I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.I spilled spot remover on my dog. Now hes gone.I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.I still have my Christmas tree. I looked at it today. Sure enough, I couldnt see any forests. I think Gods going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.I think its wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.I took a course in speed reading. Then I got Readers Digest on microfilm. By the time I got the machine set up, I was done.I took a course in speed waiting. Now I can wait an hour in only ten minutes.I took lessons in bicycle riding. But I could only afford half of them. Now I can ride a unicycle.I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldnt park anywhere near the place.I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side.I was born by Caesarian section... but not so youd notice. Its just that when I leave a house, I go out through the window.I was going 70 miles an hour and got stopped by a cop who said, Do you know the speed limit is 55 miles per hour? Yes, officer, but I wasnt going to be out that long...I was in a job interview and I opened a book and started reading. Then I said to the guy, Let me ask you a question. If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and you turn on the headlights, does anything happen? He said, I dont know. I said, I dont want your job. I was in the first submarine. Instead of a periscope, they had a kaleidoscope. Were surrounded.I was in the grocery store. I saw a sign that said pet supplies. So I did. Then I went outside and saw a sign that said compact cars.I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.I was sad because I had no shoes until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, Got any shoes youre not using?I went over to the neighbors and asked to borrow a cup of salt. What are you making? A salt lick.I went to a fancy French restaurant called Deja Vu. The headwaiter said, Dont I know you?I went to a garage sale. How much for the garage? Its not for sale.I went to a general store. They wouldnt let me buy anything specifically.I went to a haunted house, looked under the kitchen table, and found spirit gum.